And the award for greatest mom goes to...any one but me. When you’re a mom of a child with special needs it doesn’t take long to never notice the difference in day to day life. I don’t see the limp, or get surprised by the constant request for Tylenol or warm baths. I don’t second guess taking breaks while walking long distances with him or ever forget which direction the wheelchair and walker fit in best in the trunk. Heck I’ve even gotten real good at ignoring all the medical bills that seem to constantly fill our mailbox! Life is what it is, you never question you just adapt and move on, do your best. Then there are those moments when reality sets in. You catch yourself sitting on your teenagers bed (yes he’s 13 now!) rubbing his back as he sobs asking why. Why another surgery? Why him? Why did he have to be born preemie and get sick? Why can’t he be a normal kid like everyone else? Why has he missed his last 3 big birthday plans because of surgery or pain? Why can’t it stop? And that’s when I realize I’ve lost the worlds greatest mom award. I don’t know why, I can’t fix it and I can’t make it go away. Life sucks and it’s okay to cry. That’s about all this mom can come up with as I cry right along side of him.
The tears I speak of began today, Monday, this after waiting over 2 weeks to hear from the doctor on a reading of Zackary’s last X-rays. When I last updated you all Zackary was having horrible pains in his left leg right about where the rod ended in his femur. The doctor diagnosed an unseen stress fracture. This is common in kids with the rod placement and he had told Zackary little to no weight bearing for 4-6 weeks with a follow up X-ray. He let us know we could always see the healing of the stress fracture on an X-ray even if you couldn’t see the original fracture. He also said the pain would go away as it healed, just like any other break on someone else. Well Zackary impatiently waited for the 6 week mark only forgetting a few days in between that he was suppose to be using crutches and his walker to get around. Well the day finally came and he started walking, only to find about 12 hours later he was in so much pain he put himself back on the crutches. This was not a good sign. He went back and forth between weight bearing and not with still a lot of pain while we waited for the X-ray results and we finally got word back today.
The X-ray didn’t show any fracture, healed or not. The doctor immediately requested rod removal and contributed all the pain to the rod still being in there and his overall hip/leg issues. This means he will be having the rod removed on Tuesday May 15th, yep a week from tomorrow, in Baltimore. We will also have our pre op appointment on Monday where the doctor has requested we discuss the hip osteotomy potential after having many X-rays and other tests run to see if the lack of hip and other bone issues are the cause of the pain. This is the main, big surgery we’ve always known was coming around age 15-17 but could now potentially be a lot earlier. As we know with all things medical anything could happen at any time but at this point our main focus is to relieve as much pain as possible for Zackary so maybe the days of needing elevation, heat, daily Tylenol and warm baths will be fewer and far between as compared to the almost daily struggle they have become over the last 3-6 months.
So I may not be the greatest mom but I know I’m trying. I may not have all the answers but I know we’ve got him the best doctors possible. I may not know why all this happened to such an amazing, loving, incredible kid but I know my God has big plans for him! So, while you read this go hug your kiddos and remind them life sucks sometimes but it’s okay to cry. With that said I will gladly take the title of worlds okayest mom because I’m doing my best and that’s all us moms can do!
I will update you all next week once we’ve talked to the doctor and we have more information. Until then, thank you to everyone for your continued support. This is definitely an unexpected, and costly, last minute trip so if you wanted to check out our GoFundMe page again please know all money will go toward hotel, food, medical bills, etc. Thank you in advance for your love, support, well wishes, positive thoughts and prayers. This okay mom could really use them.
Until next time~
Momma Miller
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