Until next time~Do you know what it’s like to not be able to guarantee your kid that this plan the doctor has will make the pain go away? Or not be able to promise him no chance of surgery if we do this treatment? Or how about not even being able to give him the answers he deserves or even a time frame of when we can get answers?
As a parent your number one job is to protect and love your child by any means necessary and I would take a bullet for him an an instant! Yet here I sit in tears because I am just as helpless as he is. I can’t help him. I can’t give him answers. I can’t make promises. I can’t protect him from the pain.
Now you’re probably asking yourself what I’m crying over right? Well Zackary has been complaining of pain in his lower left femur for the last 2 weeks. This is the leg where the leg lengthening was done and the rod is still placed in. At first we thought it was usual soreness from pushing himself to the max by the end of the basketball season, yes he just finished his 9 week basketball season and did awesome in every game! Then maybe we thought it was from all the weather and pressure change here in the ‘desert’, we’ve worn flip flops and shorts one day and beanies the next with days of rain to boot! But after a week of pain that pushed him to Tylenol multiple times a day with heating pads and warm baths whenever available we knew we had to reach out to his doctor in Baltimore. Zackary is saying his pain is at a 4 out of 10 most days. For comparison this child has the highest pain tolerance I’ve ever seen and usually puts day of/after surgery a 5-6 out of 10 and he hasn’t taken pain meds since coming home from Baltimore even when snowboarding or pushing himself to the max doing boy things.
So once we reached out to the doctor they requested blood work and X-rays just to make sure there was no infection but of course with back and forth via email with doctors it takes a few days and then it was close to the weekend and with our hectic schedules we barely got it done yesterday. Well when I let them know it had been complete and the pain was still there they insisted to put him on crutches and walker to reduce weight bearing to max 20%, preferably none on the left leg in case there is a possible fracture since the original guess of infection shouldn’t have been this long lasting nor had it shown any infection like symptoms (fever, swelling, etc).
Now here I sit just having told happy go lucky and as active as ever Zackary that he has to be put back on the walker he loathed for so long just a few years ago. He asked if this would heal him, I don’t know. He asked if this would prevent us from having to go to Baltimore, I don’t know. He asked if this meant he was going to need surgery, I don’t know. He asked when we’d have answers, I don’t know. The doctor will have the X-rays by Monday but he’s taken up to a week to read them and get back to us in the past, so maybe 2 weeks, I don’t know. The hardest thing as a parent to tell your child is I don’t know and I can’t fix it. As much as I would give my own life to fix this I just can’t.
You may be asking why I even tell anyone about this if we don’t know anything yet and my first answer is I don’t know. LOL But secondly I know it’s because you guys have been there the whole journey and if one prayer or good thought or positive vibe changes this all into nothing for him then I want everyone together to have been a part of that. So please, pray, encourage and think positively for Zackary. The most important thing right now is to get answers. Whether it be a need for surgery or meds or anything we just want answers. I want the pain to go away. Of course if it turns into anything I will update you all ASAP but for now thank you. Thank you for sticking by our side, for listening, for reading and for hoping for the best for Zackary Titus!
Momma Miller
